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Child Arrangements

There is no legal presumption that children live with their mother, and no automatic right to an equal split. The court's only guide is the welfare of the child, and its strong preference is that parents decide it themselves. That is why you will usually have to show you tried mediation before you can apply, and why the first hearing is aimed at agreement rather than judgment. Applying for an order costs £270. Call 0800 007 4103 free, any hour — and a one-hour consultation with a UK solicitor (£145, a fixed fee) can be booked right on the call.

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Child Arrangements at a glance

Welfare is the only test

Not fairness between parents — what is best for this child, judged against a statutory welfare checklist

Mediation usually first

You normally have to show you attended a mediation assessment before applying, unless an exemption applies

Domestic abuse exemption

You do not have to mediate with someone who has abused you — say so, and urgent protective orders are available

The fee

£270 to apply for a child arrangements order in England and Wales

Nothing is permanent

Orders can be varied as children grow and circumstances change

What the court actually weighs

The welfare checklist drives everything: the child's own wishes and feelings considered in light of their age and understanding, their physical, emotional and educational needs, the likely effect of any change, their age, background and characteristics, any harm suffered or at risk, how capable each parent is of meeting their needs, and the range of orders available. Judges start from the position that a child benefits from a relationship with both parents unless that would put them at risk. What does not impress a court: point-scoring about the adults' relationship, recycled grievances, and using contact as leverage over money. What does: a parent who is child-focused, reliable, and demonstrably willing to support the child's relationship with the other parent. Talk it through with a lawyer now →

The mediation step, and when it does not apply

Before applying you normally have to attend a mediation information and assessment meeting, where a mediator explains the options and assesses whether mediation is suitable. If it is not — and the mediator decides that — they sign the form and you can apply. Domestic abuse is an exemption, as is urgency where a child is at risk or there is a risk of removal from the jurisdiction. Mediation is not counselling and is not about reconciliation; it is a structured negotiation, and it resolves a great many cases faster, cheaper and less bitterly than a courtroom does. Agreements reached there can be made into a consent order. Talk it through with a lawyer now →

Scotland and Northern Ireland

Scotland uses different language and a different statute: orders about residence and contact under the Children (Scotland) Act 1995, with the child's welfare again paramount and the child's views given weight. Northern Ireland has its own children order regime. In all three systems the practical shape is similar — agreement first, welfare paramount, court last — but the forms, the fees and the terminology differ, so guidance written for England and Wales should not be relied on for a Scottish or Northern Irish case. Talk it through with a lawyer now →

Sorting out child arrangements, step by step

Try to agree, and put it in writingA written parenting plan covering term time, holidays, handovers and communication prevents most disputes.

Attend the mediation assessmentUnless abuse or urgency exempts you. The mediator signs the form either way.

Apply only if you must, and come child-focused£270, with a clear proposal and a chronology. Call 0800 007 4103 free, any hour — and a one-hour consultation with a UK solicitor (£145, a fixed fee) can be booked right on the call.

Child Arrangements — your questions answered

Does my ex have to let me see my child?

If there is no court order, neither parent can lawfully keep the child from the other without good reason, but there is also nothing to enforce until an order exists. Both parents with parental responsibility have equal standing. The practical route is mediation first, then an application. Withholding a child to punish the other parent reflects very badly at court; so does turning up sporadically and blaming the other parent for the gaps.

At what age can a child decide who they live with?

There is no age at which a child simply decides. Courts give a child's wishes increasing weight as they get older and more able to understand the decision, and by the mid-teens those views carry real force — partly because orders against a determined teenager are close to unenforceable. But the test remains welfare, not preference, and courts are alert to a child who has been coached.

There has been domestic abuse. Do I have to mediate?

No. Domestic abuse is an exemption from the mediation requirement, and you should not be pressed into sitting down with an abuser. Say so clearly on the form. Separately, protective orders are available from the family court and can be applied for urgently, in some cases without notice to the other person, and legal aid may still be available for them. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

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